Learn to be Lonely
by forensicfreak14
Summary: Miami season finale spoiler! A look at Calleigh a week after Hagen's suicide at his funeral. Song fic.


A.N.) As a warning, this is a spoiler for the CSI: Miami season finale. So if you don't want to know what happens, I suggest you stop reading right here.

For everyone else: A look at Calleigh a week after Hagen's suicide. The song is "Learn to be Lonely" from Phantom of the Opera, created by the amazing Andrew Lloyd Webber. As a disclaimer, I do not own any of the characters, nor the song. All I own is the idea.

* * *

**_Child of the wilderness_**

**_Born into emptiness..._**

Calleigh walked across the crisp, freshly mown, dark green lawn, the morning dew still fresh. She walked alone, the others trailing her far behind.

She had no feelings right now. Her heart and mind were as empty as the sky was clear.

**_Learn to be lonely_**

**_Learn to find your way in darkness._**

Calleigh wore her best black dress, the others all in their own dark clothes. The sun, high in the morning sky and warm, had no effect on her. Darkness was all her eyes could see.

**_Who will be there for you?_**

**_Comfort and care for you..._**

Ryan and Delko walked up to her, neither one able to think of anything to say to comfort her beyond the usual 'I'm sorry' and 'Are you ok?' or 'Do you want to talk?'. They knew better than to say that to her.

Ryan finally spoke, "Calleigh? It's almost time."

"Do you want us to stay?" Delko asked quietly.

**_Learn to be lonely_**

**_Learn to be your one companion._**

Calleigh stood where she was, her green eyes not moving from their focus as she answered them.

"I'll be fine guys. This isn't the first one I've been to. You don't have to stay," she replied, her eyes still unmoving.

**_Ever dreamed out in the world_**

**_There are arms to hold you?_**

Ryan and Delko knew it was pointless to say otherwise. Calleigh was stubborn, even at a time like this.

Ryan put his hand on her shoulder in a small attempt to let her know someone was there.

"Don't hesitate to call me. My phone's always on," he said softly before stepping back.

Delko put an arm around Calleigh, her focus not shifting even at his touch.

"Calleigh, you know where to find me. Don't shut yourself off. I'm here whenever you need me. You know that. Just call me..." Delko whispered, his voice trailing off as he left.

**_You've always known_**

**_Your heart was on its own._**

Calleigh was alone again. She knew she should be used to it by now. It'd already been a week since everything happened.

She had loved him. In a way, she still did, even if he wasn't with her anymore.

**_So laugh in your loneliness_**

**_Child of the wilderness..._**

Calleigh couldn't help but smile, remembering that day after their shift was over. The two of them in his car, in the parking garage, the only other car around was hers.

Her ring.

It came off that day in his car. She always had it on. No one noticed it was missing.

A few days later he pulled her aside and returned it, both of them embarrassed as to how he came to find it in his car.

**_Learn to be lonely_**

**_Learn how to love_**

**_Life that is lived alone._**

Those good times were over now. Nothing could bring him back. No one could bring him back, not even her being there.

She wished she could've saved him. But it was useless.

A single shot to the head point-blank? He didn't want to be saved. He wanted to die. He'd almost killed her. Instead, he took himself.

Now she was alone.

**_Learn to be lonely_**

**_Life can be lived_**

**_Life can be lived..._**

Calleigh stood next to the casket and looked down at him, his eyes closed and body still. He looked oddly peaceful.

She pulled his badge out of her jacket and wiped off the remaining blood drops. His name was still as clear as the day he'd first gotten his badge. Calleigh read it one last time:

Detective John Hagen

Tears came to her eyes as she slipped his badge between his motionless hands. There was only one thing left to do.

Calleigh took out her name plate, the one she had taken off of the ballistics listing at the lab. She couldn't bear to see it anymore. The job she loved took the one she had loved.

Tears flowing from her eyes, she put the name plate in the casket next to him, the two things she loved going down together.

With one last kiss, she slowly retreated to her car, not sure where to go from there. She saw Horatio far in the distance through her rear-view mirror. She couldn't help but blame him for what happened.

Putting her car in drive, Calleigh left, not caring where she went. Just as long as she was gone...

**_Alone._**


End file.
